Dearest Bill,

A few weeks ago you talked about how the best sports generation to grow up in would be Boston fans that were 9 years old in 2001. I agree wholeheartedly. I am currently a college student in Maine, where everyone is from 20 minutes outside of Boston, and they love to tell me about how great their childhood sports teams were… as if I wasn’t there to witness the entire fucking thing. (For the record, I root so hard against the Patriots every year, I am so sick of the constant success… I recognize the brilliance and I hate every last drop of it).

This got me thinking, what is the worst generation of city/fanhood to grow up in? It’s widely known Cleveland as the most tortured sports city, which I’m totally on board for, but I think I have a candidate for the most unfortunate generation of sports fan to throw out there… and depressingly I am right in the middle of it: Washington DC sports fans that were 8/9 years old in 2001. Let’s review:

Last Washington championship: The ’91-‘92 Redskins won the Super Bowl about one year before I was born in February ’93.

Last Washington championship appearance: ’98 Capitals, who were swept by the massively superior Red Wings.

Last Washington conference championship appearance: also the ’98 Capitals

Here’s a more comprehensive list of the most depressing things that have happened to diehard DC sports fans of this age, in some random sort of reverse order:

10) Even in the one Redskins playoff win I have seen (’05 against the Bucs who were quarterbacked by the immortal Chris Simms) the Skins set the record for least amount of offensive yards in a playoff victory (something like 125 total… good god).

9) The QB by committee of Rex Grossman and John Beck

8) Giving Albert Haynesworth $100 MILLION

7) Everything about the Alex Ovechkin Capitals in the playoffs

6) Pulling Jordan Zimmermann for Drew Storen after 8 and 2/3 innings of SHUTOUT PITCHING in game 3 against the Giants, only to lose in 18 innings without scoring another run. I watched every painstaking inning. Why.

5) Drew Storen’s complete meltdown in the ’12 playoffs against the Cardinals (one strike away…)

4) The Jim Zorn hiring debacle. People forget about this, but it might have been Dan Snyder’s worst screw up: he hired his two coordinators (Greg Blatche and Zorn) BEFORE HIRING A HEAD COACH! He couldn’t get anyone to even LOOK at the Redskins coaching job after that, so he promoted Jim Zorn, who then proceeded to do shit like the swinging gate against the Giants down 24-0 just before halftime. No, seriously, just watch this:

The scariest thing that you can’t see in the video: the Skins had already lined up in that formation. The Giants, who (reasonably) had no idea what was going on, called a timeout. The Skins came out of the timeout and proceeded to try it all over again.

3) The Gilbert Arenas gun debacle… this is actually #3.

2) Everything about the Robert Griffin III situation. (I’ll always love him for 2012… always, I don’t care if he goes to play for the Eagles, Giants, and Cowboys and wins them all Super Bowls, I will always love him for that season).

1) This one isn’t even close. It’s by far the most depressing thing that’s happened to DC sports fans in the last 20 years: Sean Taylor’s murder. R.I.P. #21.

I didn’t even mention everything about the Redskins name situation…

Well, this was a bummer.